Hippos and Hilarity

So here I am... Composing this entry on my iPhone as the Baz Bus transports a collection of international individuals from Swaziland back into South Africa. It's not unlike the "short bus" in appearance, and possibly also in content. The heat in Swaz has left us feeling a bit brain dead.... But dude, the trip has been amazing so far.

On Saturday a bright orange little airplane dropped us in Durban, South Africa into an airport nicer than I've seen thus far in Africa. I was told that it was newly constructed for the World Cup with the intention of keeping visitors from having to tour by the poverty-stricken townships on the way to the stadium or five star beach resort. While this seemed just plain ridiculous to me at the time (why does such a wonderful, culturally diverse nation need to hide behind a whitewashed facade?), my recent conversations with other travelers have shed some light. I met a British guy yesterday who was working in economic development here during the World Cup. While there has been disapproval of the extraneous money spent on stadium construction and an overall SA make-over (instead of, say, helping the poor), I see the major benefits. First, people like me who are drawn to a country for its complexity are going to travel to South Africa regardless of how it looks. It's the rich and snooty that need to be impressed by shopping malls and fancy restaurants in order to visit, and to return. Because one can't deny the importance of tourism on a developing county, these cosmetic developments can provide a boost in reputation necessarily to skyrocket the country's revenue. In total, South Africa was a very well received as this World Cup's host and as a result, was put on the map as a new luxury travel destination. Although that's a bummer for a little adventure-thirsty traveler like myself who prefers untouched culture and authenticity to a beach filled with hoards of tourists, it's undoubtedly a positive stimulation for this African nation's economy. Fancy new infrastructure is never a bad thing. The new Johannesburg train and country-wide improved roads are quite useful. That and they're not even wasting the vuvuzelas! I saw a guy use it as a beer bong the other day. If that's not being green, I don't know what is.


So Durban was a weird little place... It was kind of like someone picked up Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, filled it with senior citizens from Europe and dropped it in the middle of India. On our first day we walked through Marine World (I know) and had curry at the beachside bar which was filled with colorful Zulu speaking Africans watching the Springbok game. Back at the Happy Hippo Backpackers, we met a lively group of Afrikans filmmakers who were in the area shooting an independent "feature film." Despite how much of a feature their film might turn out to be, they were certainly good for a few laughs, a semi-scattered political debate and a spirited dance off with Francois (who upon hearing I was from San Francisco, proceeded to ask, "So you're a fag hag?").

We boarded Baz Bus at the ass crack of dawn on Monday and departed for Swaziland. The cartoon on the bus's advertisement depicted a boy with a surfboard on top, another with a guitar hanging out the window and a cool pair of shades on Bazzy's face. Imagine my disappointment when we spent the first 6 hours of the drive aaallll alone in there. It went pretty fast, though, and I arrived in Swaziland rested and well versed on EVERY single song on my iPod.


When we arrived in this little gumball shaped country landlocked within SA, I was super bummed to learn that we had gotten there precisely three hours too late. Swaz is apparently the only true monarchy in Africa and once a year the Reed Dance takes place. During this dance, thousands of topless teenagers parade around for the king in hopes that he will choose them as a wife. He's something like 80 years old and already has 14 wives living with him is his famous palaces. So I guess this year he didn't choose anyone, but the whole thing is a grand cultural affair. I'm sure, had I been up in the mix, I would have been chosen out of default. An abrupt attempt to shield one's eyes from a blinding white torso could all-too-easily be mistaken for an indication of wife choice. Had Baz Bus hustled a little more, my life could be very, very different.

Our awesome hostel was nestled inside a game park. The Big Five weren't roaming here, but I saw enough warthogs and impallas to last me a good long while. We took a horseback ride one afternoon and happened upon some zebras (pronounced with short "e") as well as hippos and crocs hanging in a swamp. They don't really do much. Most exciting was when my horse decided to take the road less traveled and because I was never properly taught how to ride a horse (so deprived, my childhood was), I had to resort to squeals before Zoe came to my rescue.

Other Swazi highlights:

-Swaziland has these vicious, cartoon-like trees with insanely long spikes coming off them. Before I fully appreciated their danger, a causal collision caused my shoulder to bleed onto my sweatshirt. I bled in the shape of the African continent. Insignificant? Certainly not.


-I was sitting in the hostel's living room watching a Zulu soap opera with the house keeper (who happened to have a raging case of hiccups), when a monkey hopped up onto the windowsill. As he looked at me, I looked right back at him and could only imagine what the little dude was thinking. It must have been a difficult inner debate, without a doubt, because his eyebrows were dancing all over the place. Quite entertaining indeed! In the end, he cocked his head sharply sideways and launched himself back outside and that was the end of that.

-We ventured to a craft market on the second day there. There were approximately 125 stalls here all selling the SAME shit. I mean it was lovely, don't get me wrong, but my humble backpack just doesn't have room for a 4 foot high marble garafe carving. When it became difficult to explain why giving me a "good price lady" still doesn't mean I'm going to buy a beaded salad bowl, we decided to take off. I did buy some African Cheetos (Nik Naks) on my way out.

-When we left, Courtney (the Canadian) insisted that 5 kilos wasn't that far to walk in order to get to the next destination. I totally and completely blame my shit American education for the fact that I never know how far anything is, how heavy something will be, how fast we're driving or how hot the day is. Anywhere. EVER. I can now attest to the fact that alongside a dusty road, in the blazing African sun, 5 kilometers is friggin' far to walk. Live and learn.

-After we overstayed our welcome at a restaurant in town, we decided to take a minibus back to the hostel. As soon as we stepped near the road, a particularly nice one putted towards us and we flagged it. Bus pulled over, sliding door opened, we got in. I told the driver our destination and he responded that he could get us "quite close." What do you mean "quite"? I know your route goes right there?! Turns out we had accidentally flagged a private van that was transporting a businessman to a conference center. Needless to say, we were embarrassed about our accidental hitch hike and when we actually arrived quite closer than "quite close" (nice of him), we scampered out without even offering our 6 Rand minibus fare as a curtiousy. Stupid foreigners.

So now we're a few hours from Joburg and will leave for Muputo, Mozambique tomorrow with a bunch more people from my program. There are apparently some deadly riots happening in the capital due to the hike of food and fuel prices, so it might be possible that we go to Tofo first. Either way, can't wait. Miss you all!

<3 L